So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
