Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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