Sponge bath it is.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
