Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
