She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize