me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
