Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
