another moral hangover. fuck.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
