So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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