you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
