The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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