tell your sister to shave her snatch
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.