Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?