R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
