dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize