Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
