why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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