Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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