i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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