You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
