why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
try to milk me bitch
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