he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
