Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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