im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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