Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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