You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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