oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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