Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
