Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
