What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
