i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
