You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
