awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
