If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
