Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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