You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
