Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
