your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
