A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
