you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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