If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
