Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize