This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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