if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
