I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
