Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize