It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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