living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
