Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
