my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize