dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
