Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I need to stop coming to work sober
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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