Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Welp...herpes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
