you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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