he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
