You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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