I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
