i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
