Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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