After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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