Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
