im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
