just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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