After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
