the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
