he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
