I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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