I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
